I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
