the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
