don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
