you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
