if you like me you must not know who I am
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
