I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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