I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
