He is an equal opportunity slut.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
