Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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