I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
