how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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