yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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