No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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