I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
