your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
