Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
