my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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