Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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