Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
