I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize