I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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