I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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