just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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