Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
