ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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