When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
