Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
