I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
