he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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