the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
