I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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