I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
