oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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