So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
