grandma shit on top of the toilet
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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