i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
