Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
