i was rollin on her like bob the builder
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
