You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
