he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
