Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
