The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
