Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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