Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
