After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
