A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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