After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
