Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
