My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she peed on how many people?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
