I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
