i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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