I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
