; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Randomize