do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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