k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
