Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
