i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
