I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
