Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
