Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize