Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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