he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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