i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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