sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
