your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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