Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
