Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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