yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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