Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
