I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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