The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize