North Korea, Best Korea!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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